By UnknownUnknown author [Public domain or Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
I know what you’re going through. When my mother passed away unexpectedly a few months ago, my professional life came to a screeching halt while I dealt with all that needed attention. (I’m the only surviving member of our family. Everything — the arrangements, the paperwork, the practicalities like dealing with her forty year old house and everything in it — has fallen to me).
As a DaVinci, I’m an expert multi-tasker. But in this case, I became hijacked by all that needed to be done. Never mind the emotional toll, the psychological impact and cognitive strain inherent in the situation.
It’s been unsettling to see how off kilter I got thrown.
It’s been more troubling to see how challenging it’s been to get back on track.
Turns out the cliché is completely true: A body at rest stays at rest. Once the momentum is gone, it’s challenging indeed to start up again.
Frankly, I struggled. It’s not enough to ‘know’ different techniques to get started after being derailed. One has to apply them when every fiber of your being is resisting.
I’m well aware of what’s worked for me in the past — using a timer, using the Unschedule, aiming to get back into it for only an hour a day].
For whatever reason, in this instance, I couldn’t make myself do any of it.
I was derailed. And stuck.
I was too embarrassed to talk to people about my paralysis. I sought secret help. I consulted Lisa Rothstein’s excellent Procrastination book. I did some soul searching — what was going on here?
In the end, this is what I learned about overcoming derailment:
1. Be kind to yourself.
It doesn’t help to beat yourself up or call yourself ‘lazy’. If you’re reading this, you’re a smart, creative person with a lot going on. Give yourself some credit. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself like you would treat a friend who’s going through difficult times. You are.
2. Understand that you’ve been wounded.
Whatever’s happened to derail you — an illness, a loss, a move, getting fired, an unprecedented event — it’s like you’ve been scarred on the battlefield. The wound might be physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual or all of these. You deserve to convalesce.
3. Start slowly.
Your initial goal should be simply to start. Something. Anything. Just start. Then reward yourself for starting. Feel good about it. Avoid judging the size or significance of what you’ve done. Focus on any forward motion.
4. Remind yourself of why you’re doing this in the first place.
What was your original motivation? Does that still apply? (If not, why are you beating yourself up, trying to do it? Do something else). If yes, what benefits are there to doing what you’re doing? Literally write down as many reasons as you can. Rekindle your original passion.
5. Try doing something easy.
As DaVinci’s, we’re prone to tackle complicated things. If you’re derailed, allow yourself to do something easy for a change. Look at your ‘to do’ list. What would be easiest? Do that first.
Doing this may well give you the impetus to tackle something more challenging. Use an easy task to initiate some momentum.
6. Reward yourself.
Once you start to move forward, be very, very proud of yourself. Believe me, I know how tough it is to get going after being derailed. Any forward motion is to be appreciated and rewarded. Give yourself the treats you richly deserve.
7. Focus on gradual improvements.
As you get going, continue to focus on forward progress. Baby steps, baby. In all likelihood, once you get restarted, you’ll accelerate your progress faster than you imagine.
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Want more tips and techniques on getting things done? Check out my book YOU CAN GET IT DONE: Choose What to do, Plan, Start, Stay on Track, Overcome Obstacles, and Finish
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Awesome post by my esteemed co-author & pal.
I lost my mum in 2008. At the same time I had moved to a new part of the country, started a new job that was related but totally different to what I was doing before, and I had more responsibility, I had two house purchases fall through after i had paid the survey fees and then the banl where my house money was deposited looked a bit shaky.
Fact is we all get these times, what saddens me about this article is that you felt guilty for not beginning again! Why do you think that ‘successful’ is living your life at 90 miles an hour, and multi-tasking.
I have long thought that the proud boast “I can multi-task” must have some people laughing up their sleeves. Whilst you’re burning yourself out trying to do several things at once, others who say
“Aren’t you good I can’t do that”
are happily plodding on. Too many tasks started or attempted means that none get done properly or well and leave you feeling guilty. Exactly what you describe. Accept that you cannot have it all, and decide what will make your life most enriched and go for that.
Boot out the word ‘failure’ from your vocabulary.Measure your success in a different way. e.g. people who love you. Sooner or later in your life you realise that how others measure your success is not important to you, only to them. Life is not about rushing from here to there as some sort of ‘proof’ that you are multi-talented.
Listen to John Lennon’s wheels.
Be kind to yourself, all those people you are trying to ‘proove it’ to will not be there on your death bed, loved ones-if you haven’t alienated them by having no time for them, will.
Thanks for your caring and detailed thoughts, Morwenna. I actually agree with you about the folly of multi-tasking. For me, the way to do many things is to focus on one thing at a time.
You make an excellent point about measuring your success in a healthy, helpful way.
This sad turn of events has certainly shifted my perspective and my priorities…and hopefully serves as an example that will save others unnecessary guilt and pain.
Best wishes,
Liisa
not so easy getting back on track especially if you feel like a failure at everything.
No, it’s not easy, Penny. But it is do-able.