How to Overcome Creative Disappointments

Every talented person has experienced some disappointments in their creative endeavors. We get the call-back but not the part.  Our slam-dunk script fizzles when put through the studio wringer. The exhibition jury rejects the sculpture we were so excited to submit.  Our book proposal the editor adored is quashed by the bean-counters on the publishing committee.  Disappointment is even more pronounced with multi-talented people — first because we tend to take risks in more arenas…and second because when something goes wrong in one area, it’s apt to affect our momentum in others.  Given all the risks and challenges of the creative process, disappointments are inevitable…and it’s natural to experience them and to feel sad about them.  Maybe even have a brief little pity party.  But if that lasts too long, you’re hurting yourself and probably squelching your present and future creativity.  It’s time to overcome your disappointments.

1.  Manage your expectations.

Disappointments arise when our expectations for a creative project differ from the apparent results.  Yes, it’s important to ‘dream the dream’…while not getting caught up in how, exactly, the dream unfolds.  Many paths lead to your creative goals…to the extent that you can allow them.  If you are overly dependent on things happening in a particular way, you may be setting yourself up for heartbreak.  Yes, you want an agent to sign you…and there are  a thousand ways that can happen.  It doesn’t help if you lock onto one and only one path to get there.

2.  Focus on the process, not the product(s) or end point(s).

You have little control over much in the creative world…except for your own actions.  You can’t control trends or random acts of God.  Much as you might like to do so, you can’t control others’ reactions or decisions.  About all you can do is to keep creating, keep producing and keep taking steps to advance your work — regardless of what’s happening around you (or what seems to be happening to you).

3.  Realize that you don’t have the ‘Big Picture’.

Things just ‘are’.  Labels don’t help. Any given event could be ‘good’, ‘bad’ or ‘indifferent’…and it’s pretty much impossible to accurately determine which it is.  For example, let’s say a gallery says ‘yes’ to exhibiting your work.  That seems ‘good’, right?  Now imagine that there’s a fire in the gallery and a lot of work your work is lost.  Now your exhibition seems ‘bad’, right?  But wait — because of the fire, let’s say that you now get a lot of press and new commissions…well then the original ill-fated exhibition seems ‘good’.  But what if you can’t handle your new-found fame, or you get swindled by unscrupulous financial managers or…you get the idea.

Often ‘disappointments’ are really ‘blessings in disguise’ when viewed from a bigger perspective or a longer time frame.

4.  You are not alone.

Every creative person experiences disappointments.  Check out the biography of your creative heroes — it’s instructive to see what disappointments they overcame on their way to success.

5.  What lessons can be learned from the experience?

That being said, what can you do when you find yourself feeling overly disappointed?  One important step is to ask what lessons can be learned from whatever happened.  Is there anything you might wish to do differently in the future? Proceed accordingly.

If, however, you can’t see any apparent lessons in what happened, then carry on as you were…and pay attention.  If you notice the same pattern repeating itself, you’re missing something.  Dig deeper.  What do these repeated disappointments have in common?

6.  What alternatives are there for proceeding?

Whenever disappointments arise, you have options.  You can try again.   You can give up.  You can try doing the same thing a different way.  You can try something completely new.  What makes sense under the circumstances?  Try not to let your ego decide:  What does your gut say?

7.  Retell your story.

When looking back at a disappointment, you have a choice about how you tell what happened.  You can tell a tale of woe…or you can spin it more positively.  You can bore people by chronicling how, exactly, you were victimized…and by whom. Or you can find the funny in it.  Or the inspiration.  The producer said ‘no’ can become a side-splitting monologue…or the seeds of a production company of your own…or a helpful workshop for others.  What story would you like to be telling about what happened? “I failed” or “I learned”?  If you’d like more information about how, exactly, to do this, try Martha Beck’s chapter on ‘Truth’ in her book, The Joy Diet.

8.  Put the past in the past.

That was then.  It’s over.  If you find yourself feeling stuck in the past, take steps to change that.

9. Move on.

The most important thing is to avoid getting stuck.  Yes, you’ve had a disappointment.  Be kind to yourself…and move on.  If you need professional help to do so, get it.  If you don’t know where to start, try here.

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Activity: Think of a recent creative disappointment you experienced.  How did you react?  Have you moved on?  If not, review and apply steps #1 – #9.

Activity: Think about a particular creative goal you have right now.  Brainstorm (at least) ten different ways it could happen.

Activity: Do you have a past disappointment that still hurts?  Rewrite that story.  What’s a non-victim version of what happened?  What did you learn?  Can you view what happened through a comic lens?  What if you were to use what happened as inspiration for something positive — what would that story be like?  Write AT LEAST one new version of what happened.  In your mind, replace your former version of what happened with the new one.

Activity: Select a creative hero and research their biography.  What disappointments did they overcome?  Was there something they experienced that seemed ‘bad’ at first…but turned out to be a blessing in disguise?

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For more ideas, check out my book “GET OVER It:   Overcome Regret, Disappointment and Past Mistakes”.  Available here:  http://bit.ly/GetOverItNow

 

 

 

 

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In the comment box below, please tell us about your experiences with creative disappointments — how did you get over them?

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